New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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