you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
