my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
