I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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