I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
