You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
