please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize