i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
