On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
