theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
