the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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