I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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