jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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