His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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