I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
