just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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