I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
