she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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