i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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