Your face is a jimmy john
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
