I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
