In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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