i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
