hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Houston, we have a squirter
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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