Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
