I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had to cum in my sink.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
