I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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