I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
