Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
