I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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