Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
