I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize