so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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