The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
