i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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