On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
