yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
