Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
