Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
