He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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