May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
