Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
