Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
