She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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