does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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