I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
