Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
