You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
