Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
