well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
