I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
