Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
