shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
another moral hangover. fuck.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
