there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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