I heard we made out
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
