This girl is more easily done than said...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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