I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
