What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
