I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
