guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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