Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
