I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
