Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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