I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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