There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
