after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
