i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
